-We should have just stayed friends… maybe with benefits… I didn’t ever really want to date you; I just wanted you to do that thing.
-Why can’t you do it? It takes you more time to email me and ask me to do it for you then it does for you to do it.
-HOT BOWL OF SEX SOUP in the conference room. Hot, hot, hot. I get to train your hotness. This is what I thought until you stood up. Sit down, Mr. Sex Soup. You’ll have better luck with the ladies.
-I am so happy we’re friends. I wish I had feelings for you because we’d have a great relationship and everything would be pie except I don’t. I love you though as a friend more than ever.
-Yes, I am Jewish. I don’t understand why you’re surprised. I know other blonde Jews. I know Jews with perfect noses. For Jesus’ sake, I know Jews who are black. I know you think it’s funny to ask me if I’m really Jewish (at a Jewish event), but it’s not. I’ve heard enough of it. I want to tell you all this but I just smile because you’re obviously not smart enough to perpetuate the stereotype the Jews are intelligent. Are you really Jewish?
-I am smarter than you but your salary is higher. This is why I spend so much time reading CNN and MSN articles when I should be working on a project that you’ll probably claim as your own.
-Why did you erase my wall post? Damn you, facebook.
-Fucking birthday. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I’m 27. Why is this bothering me?
-You have no idea how much your emails help me get through the day. Why weren’t we friends before??
