December

-I am not good enough for you and you’re going to figure this out way too soon.

-I am so glad that I’m not going to be in the office for Christmas. The gladness is overwhelming.

-I just got hit on and slightly groped by a food service worker at JFK. I kind of enjoyed it considering I’ve been flying all day and I look like shit. I may have a narcissistic disorder.

-I kind of dig the airline food on Swiss Air. I like how everything is individually wrapped and I can’t really identify what things are but they taste interesting.***

-I am an Israel and I feel nothing yet. When is it going to hit me? Are other people thinking this?***

-Being back sucks. You will never be able to understand how much it sucks. When will this feeling go away so I can enjoy my life again?

-You make me wish I was a lesbian and I can’t stop staring at you and while I really like guys, I really like you except I could never sleep with a girl.

***I had a lot of inappropriate thoughts that I wanted to write down while in Israel but I was too busy to write them in my journal of thoughts and some of them I’m embarrassed that I even thought….

November

-You’re moving way to fast for me and while I like you, I need you to slow down but not too much.

-You give awful massages. Just stop.

-You just met my mom is the worst way possible and I want to tell you why she was even here but I can’t get the words out because I’m scared you’ll stop liking me or worse, that I’m a victim.

-I wish you would come back to St. Louis and save me. I should have told you the whole story. I could never live in DC.

-I need you to just be there. You don’t need to plan anything at all.

-Let’s clarify our relationship because I have no idea what I’m doing or what we’re doing but I don’t want to be the one to ask for clarification because I’m dating someone else and I don’t want to choose… yet. Are you dating someone else?

-More sex. More, more, more.

-You look amazing naked. Please don’t put your clothes back on. Please don't get out of bed.

-I’m glad you didn’t show up to Thanksgiving. It was better because you weren’t there.

October

This could be considered dangerous. If you think it’s about you, it’s not. Well maybe not.

I come up with the greatest things to say an hour after a meeting/situation/fight/etc. If I had to go back, 75% of the time I would have said them. As for the other 25%- it's prolly a good idea that I never said them as my life is already like a barometer of various degrees of dysfunction.

-This is my first date in 3 ½ years (whoa! I had been with the same person for 3 ½ years. I still can’t believe that.!) and it was fantastic. If only you were 8 years younger at the minimum, didn’t have 3 kids, and were 2 inches taller. If only… You could teach a class on how to have a fantastic first date.

-I am never going to sleep with you. But I like our dates.

-I want to push you down, old lady at the salad bar. Move your saggy ass. Standing there is not going to make the purple cabbage look any fresher.